Dating when you are a single parent can be complex and tricky. There are so many issues involved, that it will take a number of blog posts to cover them all, or one really long blog post, and no one has the time to read that! I am going to cover things that I have learned in snippets of information.

I wrote about a wise man who gave me some dating advice in an earlier post. He explained that when you have children, there are certain criteria to look for when choosing someone to date long term, and that there were basically three types of men. 1. The type of man that gets in the pool and will play with your kids. 2. The type of man who will sit on the edge of the pool and put his feet in the water, but never actually get in. 3. The type of man who will be in the lounge chair reading the paper while the kids play in the pool.

Let’s look at each type individually and why they are good for you as a post divorce woman with kids. The first type is the hands on good guy. He will interact with your children and be involved, from the very beginning. Wanting to be a dad, and not just a step dad to your kids, he will jump in feet first and love your kids as if they are your own.

This is great for you as a single parent, because it does take the pressure off, but are your kids ready for that? Some kids don’t want another father, and it can be a bit much. On the other hand, those children who have dads that are not involved, it can be a welcome addition to your little family.

The man that just dangles his feet in the water will be your children’s friend. They will not be 100% invested in your children, although that doesn’t mean he won’t be 100% invested in you. He will be the fun guy and there when the kids need him, but he also will probably not dole out discipline or bedtimes.

This type of guy has good points and bad points. If you are looking for a more family oriented relationship, then this might not be the guy for you. Of course, it depends on what your definition of family is. This might be the perfect guy for your kids. He will not be threatening to your kids as well as their father, because he will never be 100% involved.

And, finally we have the guy sitting in the lounge chair reading the paper. This is the type of guy who will not be involved with your children. He will live in the same house with them, and occasionally you will be able to count on him to babysit, but he will not help with homework or attend school functions. He is invested in his relationship with you, but not your kids. This type of guy might work for you because you don’t want any other input into the raising of your kids. You are looking for a partner for you, not a parent for your kids. If you are looking for someone for you alone, then this is the right person to choose.

I am not saying that every single guy falls into those three categories. There can be overlap or men that fall in between those categories, but it is a good guide when dating. In the end, it is up to you to choose what you are looking for regarding your children, and what you think is in their best interest. Remember, when you have children, although your needs are important, theirs are more important, especially when choosing a man that is going to be in their lives.